Scraps From My Table: Plant 18 Copper Mine

Andersonia is truly the land of opportunity with bountiful resources. Plant 18 was once considered to be an unmarketable wasteland with no inherent value. Thanks to some enterprising individuals, that is no longer the case.

This city employee and two contract laborers are busy mining a rich vein of copper that was recently discovered running throughout the entire building. Mining techniques have changed very little over the past few decades. Hard hats and carbide lights are
still used so that miners are able to work in the mines as a second job.

Andersonia City Controller Morris Long said the city had sold the mineral rights to Plant 18 to a local mining concern this past March. Terms of the sale have not been disclosed but according to some city officials the sale has been a huge win/win/win.

Pitcher Demonstrates Hypnosis Techniques

Anderson Chamber of Commerce President Keith Pitcher headlined an afternoon of entertainment last Wednesday at the city wide cleanup event.

Pitcher, who has been an amateur hypnotist for almost 10 years, broke from his usual routine where he puts his audience to sleep with a pocket watch pendulum and a series of monotone commands. City Floriculturalist Michelle Westermeier was one of several audience volunteers who Pitcher put under his spell. Westermeier flapped her arms and clucked like a chicken for a much appreciative audience. She reportedly woke up refreshed and had no memory of the chicken incident.

Bibbs Calls For Recount

City Council candidate Ty Bibbs has filed a formal request for a recount. "... voters that only wanted to vote for me were forced to vote for two additional candidates that they did not want to vote for in order to have their ballots counted," Bibbs wrote in his letter to the County Clerk.

Clerk Ludy Watkins said that this the first case of over-enfranchising that has ever been filed with her office so "he don't even wanna get all up in my grill".

Word, Ludy.

The Acting Cicada Mayor

Once every 17 years or so Andersonia gets a Republican Mayor. Young cicada nymphs crawl out of their burrows where they have been sucking the sap out of tree roots for sixteen years. They emerge as Democrats but quickly molt their skin and begin screeching their deafening mating call as new Republicans.

Adults rarely cause long term harm to humans but can be annoyances at picnics, weddings, and other outdoor activities. Cicada Mayors last only for a season then return to their subterranean homes and wait out 4 more election cycles when they once again emerge to breed and make a lot of noise.

Letters to Buckwheat

Hey Buck, love your yard sign. Think you could get a few up before the general election. if you need help call me. - C.C. Andersonia

Vanilla Yikes !! What a hoot!! Where can I get the CD and do we have any concert dates at Shadyside Beach yet? - E.F. Andersonia

By the way, you outdid yourself again this week! I
especially enjoyed seeing Mr. Zook put in his place, and as for Yikes, Eicks Baby, what can I say? That's another "priceless" newsletter entry! Keep up the good work! - R.M. Andersonia