Scraps from my Table: Kelvin Fuller, Making Anderson Proud

By "Mayor Buckwheat"

[editor's note, by kpaul] This is an excerpt (reprinted with permission) of a newsletter by "Mayor Buck Wheat" (a member of the Herald Bulletin forums) concerning Anderson, Indiana (aka Andersonia) Archives are available at the blog. The views expressed in the newsletter do not necessarily reflect the views of Muncie Free Press.

Hometown Proud!

Mayor Kevin Smith welcomed home now famous Andersonian Kelvin Fuller after his 16 year sabbatical in Westville, Indiana. Fuller admitted to leaving Westville for "medical reasons" and this is likely why  he was seen entering the front doors of St. John's Hospital in Andersonia on Wednesday night. It is still unclear why he stole a two-way radio while he was there.

Acting Mayor Smith explained, "Fuller knew that the finest medical care available is right here in Andersonia." To add to the hometown excitement over Fuller's return, the fugitive was featured on "America's Most Wanted" Saturday night. A reception in his honor was held at Sonny Ray's. The Acting Mayor, in attendance, presented Fuller with a key to the city and offered him a job as Chief Arson Investigator for all of Andersonia.

Winkler Beaten to Punch

Andersonia economic development guru Greg Winkler was visibly shaken when news of the Minnesota bridge collapse reached him. "I had all the explosive charges in place and was ready to drop the Eisenhower Bridge on East 8th street.  This is just the sort of event that Anderson could use to get some great national TV coverage. All I was waiting on was         Artist's concept of 8Th st. bridge
rush hour traffic to return to the
downtown like it was in about 1974.

Acting Mayor Smith expressed relief that his two way street initiative have not yet been put into effect, causing just such a rush hour scenario for Winkler to act upon. Smith said, "These one way street thingies have slowed down investment in the downtown area just enough to avoid a real calamity.  I might just have to rethink my position on them"   

Hoosier Girls Hospitality

When the IBO began looking at Andersonia as a potential site for this year's world tournament, one of their areas of concern was the ability to entertain the participants after the day's events were over. The Acting Mayor made sure all the bases were covered by arranging a dose of Hoosier Hospitality for the boys.

Nothing says "Howdy" like a warm smile and a couple of Crown belly shots.

Child Restraint Law Troubles Acting Mayor

Acting Mayor Smith was reportedly ticketed by an Andersonia Police Department Officer when he failed to comply with the recently passed child restraint law. The arresting officer, who asked not to be named, said, "I think this may be the first case in the state where a driver was ticketed for not using a booster seat. I made what I thought was a routine traffic stop when I saw the driver was having difficulty seeing over the steering wheel. It was quite a shock when I walked up and saw that it was the Acting Mayor".  The Acting Mayor had no comment.

Where's Winkler?

What do you do when you make more than $2500 a week and you're not jetsetting your way through Japan or chummin' them other little fellers in China? You go to the fair! Help me find Winkie before he blows through his entire expense account. Did I mention that he's not allowed to go to Japan next month with that Asian chick over in economic development because of "political considerations"?

Henderson Addresses High School Reunion

Pendleton Town Council President Don Henderson recently attended his 117th high school reunion. While there Don reunited with old friends before giving the keynote address. "I've come a long way since I wore that 'Just Say No to the McKinley Tariff Act' hat every day", Henderson laughed. He then caught the class up to date on his life and projects and denied any secret deals with Andersonia concerning expanding the borders of Andersonia 2.0 and it's airport. "As long as my implanted defibrillator keeps me ticking, I won't make any under the table deals with Acting Mayor Smith", adding, "If that little feller wants to play hardball, I'll play hardball."

Letters to Buckwheat

BW, I think it's time for us to bury the hatchet. Please meet me at dawn in front of City Hall. Hatchets at 20 paces? K.S. Andersonia

Buckwheat, I don't know who you are and I don't think I really care anymore. I heard that t-shirts will be available in the near future. Put me down for a X large and go ahead and get a small for the Acting Mayor! A.G. Andersonia.

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• Mayor Buckwheat's MySpace
• The Acting has a MySpace page, too!

Scraps From My Table can now be viewed at the Muncie Free Press as well as the new Anderson Free Press. Many thanks to Publisher K. Paul Mallasch

The views expressed in this newsletter do not necessarily reflect those of the Smith
Administration....but are pretty damn close. Please feel free to forward this letter to anyone that may be interested. I can be reached at Waynelafear@yahoo.com. Mr. Lafear will make certain that I get your message. Any and all mail directed my way will be held in the strictest confidence. Until next week.......BW OVER AND OUT!

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