Scraps from my Table: Survey Results

• A slight uptick in support for Smith
• Stapleton's seat is in real peril.
• Kato Smith could lose to either McClain or Eicks
• McClain may be the Republican's best hope of keeping an at-large City Council seat
• Pepelea will need a good turnout to hold his seat
• Ollie Dixon's support outside the 4th ward is non-existent
• There may be a two seat swing in the council make up in January

Jobs! Jobs! Jobs!
 
Many people thought that Acting Mayor Smith had exhausted the entire market for entry level jobs when he broke ground last June at a fireworks superstore.  Now it appears as though he has an "October Surprise" up his sleeve.
 
Governor Daniels was on hand for the seventh time in as many days to make a JOBS!JOBS!JOBS! Announcement, the opening of 5469 Halloween superstores throughout Indiana.  Daniels emphasized the economic impact of purchasing holiday goods locally, "I think we can all agree:six weeks of steady paychecks is better than nothing."  Applewood Center's Spirit Halloween is expected to bring as many as five part time temporary jobs to Andersonia.  Andersonia's own SalesGenie GregWinkler said, "I won't have to buy my costume on eBay this year.  I'm planning to be one of the first people in line to get one of the Mayor Smith masks.  He's this year's Bin Laden!"
 
 Governor Daniels Passes Loyalty Test

Indiana Governor Mitch Daniels was reluctant at first but eventually returned to Andersonia to comply with Acting Mayor Smith's request to submit to a voice analysis loyalty test.  Smith has recently required all City employees take an oath of allegiance to him and the Republican Party; the recordings are then analyzed for voice cracks, warbles, and wavers.
 
Smith said, "I thought it only right for Daniels to follow along since he has agreed in principle to become a member of Team Smith."  He continued, "Since 9-11, we've all  had to make adjustments to ensure the continuity of our government."   Herald Bulletin Publisher Mike Casuscelli patiently waited his turn in line, anxious to take the pledge as well.
 
Buckwheat's Photo Safari

That's right!  Someone has cut the faces out of most of my photo stock of the Acting Mayor!  "One hour's wage" (roughly $8), will be the bounty paid for shots taken at this afternoon's Corporate Welfare Announcement.
 
Photos featuring Kevin's Man Mitch and members of the Herald Bulletin's Re-election  Amen Choir are most highly prized. Please do your part so I don't have to publish pictures of Barney giving the Acting Mayor a chin chuck.
 
 
Police Seek Suspect

Anderson Police Department Detective Kris Ockomon is seeking a suspect following Monday's robbery of the Dollar General store on Scatterfield road. According to Ockomon, the store's surveillance tape shows a suspect, described as "a stout man, approximately 5 feet tall, 45-55 years of age with a fuzzy mustache, carrying a spit cup."  The suspect was last seen walking toward the downtown wearing a crumpled gray suit.
 
Speculation that the true motive for the robbery is keeping Ockomon busy investigating crime rather than campaigning was refuted by the Smith, Bibbs, and What's-his-name campaigns.  Ockomon chortled, "If that was the plan, it totally backfired.  This is the most print coverage I've gotten in months."
 

Build A Smitty Burger Contest Winner!

Last week's contest winner was Timmy S. from Franktonia.  He loaded up his Smitty Burger with two all  chew patties, highly processed cheese, special sauce, sprinkled with Skoal, on a set of pimply white buns.
 
Chase that with a shot of Crown.  I dare ya.
 
Dear Buckwheat
 
"Dude, you are the Oracle of Andersonia.  How do you know what you know?"       L.S, Andersonia
 
"It's just fresh.  It's independent thinking.  People read it because it stimulates the brain."  Joe Lieberman, Connecticut
 
"B.W., Remember the money I borrowed from you a few years ago?   I can bring that over any time you want.  What was the address, again?       K.S.  Andersonia, In

Scraps From My Table can now be viewed at the Muncie Free Press as well as the new Anderson Free Press.Many thanks to Publisher K. Paul Mallasch

Of course this stuff is merely satirical and intended for comedic relief. Please feel free to forward this letter to anyone that may be interested. I can be reached at Waynelafear@yahoo.com. Mr. Lafear will make certain that I get your message. Any and all mail directed my way will be held in the strictest confidence. Until next week.......BW OVER AND OUT!