Scraps from my Table: Survey Results II, The Sequel

[editor's note, by kpaul] This is an excerpt (reprinted with permission) of a newsletter by "Mayor Buck Wheat" (a member of the Herald Bulletin forums) concerning Anderson, Indiana (aka Andersonia) Archives are available at the blog. The views expressed in the newsletter do not necessarily reflect the views of Muncie Free Press.

Survey Results

Click here for full results!

A quick scan of the numbers in Buckwheat's local tracking poll reveals a few points to consider:

    * Support for both Independent candidates has peaked and is now on the slide.
    * Stapleton's yard signs with his picture are not particularly helpful (think: Milton the Monster).
    * Kato Smith needs to do something big to give him a critical boost (think: whole litter of puppies).
    * McClain's support is strong and steady.
    * Pepelea's best strategy is for him to keep his mouth shut and NEVER say the word airport.
    * Kevin Smith is dropping  the slogan "Continue the Progress". He is now running scared and thinks he must frighten voters with the "Honest Government" tactic.  Has he been reading my poll?
    * Rodney Chamberlain may be the most popular person in Anderson (next to Buckwheat).

Republican Headquarters To Move To Nursing Home
 
Republican County Chairperson Darlene Likens has announced plans to move party headquarters to a more spacious and modern facility after the November election.
 
According to Likens, "This new building will allow us to provide more essential services than out present location on 8th street.  It will be more like an upscale retirement village.  We plan to have all the usual amenities such as horseshoes and shuffleboard as well as an in-house tobacco cessation program.  We expect great influx of residents after the first of the year but as of this moment we have only booked rooms for Kevin Smith, Greg Winkler and Jay Stapleton."
 
HB Publisher Moves Office Into City Hall

Andersonia Herald Bulletin Publisher Mike Casuscelli will soon take up residence on the 5th floor of the City Building.  Acting Mayor Kevin Smith (D/R) said at last week's Chamber Award Celebration that Casuscelli was the biggest reason that Andersonia received the state wide award.
 
 Casuscelli became visibly emotional and was seen choking back tears as Smith praised his paper's great efforts to assure a Republican victory this fall.  "You know," said Casuscelli, "the Acting Mayor and a few of us got together a couple of weeks ago and just really hit it off.  When Kev asked me to move in with him, I thought I would  faint.  Luckily, Sparky was there to catch me. I think it was a very special time for us all"
 
Annual Blessing of the Animals

This past Saturday, the annual Blessing of the Animals was held at Shadyside Park.  The Rev. William Smallish officiated the service.
 
Acting Mayor Kevin Smith brought his feathered companion "Winkie" to seek a blessing.  Rev. Smallish  stated that he had never before been asked to bless a lame duck but he would give it his best.
 
Smith said he has been concerned for his pet for a few months.  "I had a couple of Department heads leave me and within a couple of days my duck started limping.  I really hope this blessing thing works. If  it does, I'm gonna tell Jay and Art and Kato.
 
Caption The Photo Contest Winner
 
I loved this photo that I found a few days ago.  It took me back to the days of long ago when you didn't need a scorecard  to tell all the players.
 
I think this week's winner Don't Tread On Me from Pendletonia captured the spirit of the moment with this caption:
 
"Boy, Greg.  I'm glad I remembered where we buried this thing.  He's gonna come in handy after the election!"
 
Flagship Commissions Nuclear Reactor Feasibility Study
 
Chuck Staley, President and CEO of the Flagship Enterprise Center has announced that he has commissioned a feasibility study to determine if a nuclear power plant located in Falls Park in Pendletonia would have a positive impact on the town as well as the rest of Madison County.
 
According to Staley, construction probably won't begin until after the study is complete.  "The park location is ideal for a reactor.  There is an ample water supply available from the creek and the pond would make an excellent cooling reservoir.  We think the impact on the park will be minimal and that the only disruption will be the monkey bars that will have to moved a few feet during the construction phase."
 
Doug McGee, Pendletonia Town Manager said, "We're gonna hafta take a wait and see posture on this baby. I don't want to be responsible for some kid pulling a three eyed yellow bellied catfish out of the pond and us having a Jaws kinda thingie goin' on around here."
 
 Dwarfed By A Jockey

The toothless masses waited anxiously to meet soap actress Michelle Stafford, Saturday night at Hoosier Park. And the Acting Mayor was front and center to greet her. "Having a super star, such as Miss Stafford, come to Andersonia of her own free will is only further evidence that our city is on the mend." Kevin elected to get her autograph and kept hanging around afterwards for some "Additional photos." After the soap actress agreed to take a picture with Kevin, and he whispered something in her ear, she promptly slapped him. "Not only was she impressed with the progress of Andersonia, but I now have a picture to hang beside my bed...er...desk. It really is a win/win for everyone involved."

In unrelated news the Acting Mayor was later escorted off Hoosier Park property after he roughed up by her jockey escort for the evening.
 
Dear Buckwheat
 
"I am a home schooler and my mom makes me write a paper about your newsletter every week.  Will you still be sending it out after Ockomon wins?"       T.L., Andersonia
 
"I understand that you will be speaking at the Rotary next month. Will you be making balloon animals again?"  B.T.  Pendleton
 
Hey BW.  You left your mittens on the Nifty Lift last week.  Stop up at my office and I'll give them to you.  K.S.  Andersonia, In
 
Mayor Buckwheat's MySpace

Of course this stuff is merely satirical and intended for comedic relief. Please feel free to forward this letter to anyone that may be interested. I can be reached at Waynelafear@yahoo.com. Mr. Lafear will make certain that I get your message. Any and all mail directed my way will be held in the strictest confidence. Until next week.......BW OVER AND OUT!

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