Submitted by Buckwheat on Wed, 10/24/2007 - 2:55am.
Area: LocalCities: AndersonCounties: Madison CountyMFP Tags: Scraps From my Table, Mayor Buckwheat, AndersoniaTopics: Politics, GovernmentTypes: Opinion
Area: LocalCities: AndersonCounties: Madison CountyMFP Tags: Scraps From my Table, Mayor Buckwheat, AndersoniaTopics: Politics, GovernmentTypes: Opinion
Scraps From My Table: Newsletter Survey Updates
ED. NOTE: The following is an excerpt of a weekly satirical newsletter 'Scraps from my Table' created by "Mayor Buckwheat" (an anonymous member of the Herald Bulletin forums who has no official affiliation with the Anderson Herald Bulletin newspaper.) The views expressed in the newsletter do not necessarily reflect the views of Muncie Free Press. (And again, Mayor Buckwheat - whoever they are - is not affiliated with the Anderson Herald Bulletin, but they are a member of the online forums found there...)
Newsletter Survey
Not much new to report on the political survey. Most numbers are remaining constant. Kato continues his one point at a time slide while Muir and Chamberlain are consistently strong. Jozwiak appears to be fading while Smith, Ockomon, and Bibbs continue to bob bounce up and down. I think the third ward will determine the outcome in the Mayor's race. Jay Stapleton's support is quite weak particularly within his district.
This week's edition will focus on political yard signs. (ED NOTE: Subscribe to the newsletter to see the pics!) You can't help but notice that most of the Republicans have their full color pictures on them. I am speculating that when they were in grade school their mommies forgot to send money with them on picture day and they compensating for that sense of loss. Either that or they just have more money to blow.
Arty Pepelea
I'm not sure what C.E.P. stands for but I'm guessing it has something to do with his dental work. He has that whole lapel pin thing going on, too. I wanted to photo shop them out for him so it didn't look like he had pigeon droppings on his jacket.
When Arty isn't out playing airport huckster for the Acting Mayor he enjoys golf and all the other things that people who have initials after their names like to do.
His friends call him "Junior".
David Yikes
I think David Yikes is the only Democrat with his picture on his sign. Couple this picture with the song he had looped in his I-pod (Yikes Eicks Baby) and you've got one sweet package.
I kinda like that circle of stars thing and the Halloween tie. That fake cyclops eye may be a bit over the top but I understand the need to grab the attention of potential voters.
They don't call him "Yikes" for nothin'.
Kato Smith
Kato, Kato, Kato. Baby kissing can be a tricky proposition. The lap dog gambit is almost impossible to pull off. You did well with what you had to work with but may I be so bold as to suggest a less masculine looking dog? A shitz-something perhaps?
Once Kato is retired from his political career and his other side job he plans to open a petting zoo. I think that if he promises to employ at least 500 goats at the zoo he will be eligible for tax abatements and up to $1,000,000 in incentives from the city. Continue the Progress, Kato.
Rodney Chamberlain
The last time I saw a political sign like this one was on a high school locker. It must be working for him because as things look now he will be the top vote getter in the at-large race. My only suggestion would be to have his mom hot glue a pair of pompoms to it. Chicks dig basketball players. I bet he was team captain.
Ava Likens Autrey
June Cleaver look out! Ava's got it goin' on and she's been to Glamour Shots. For $39.95 she got a sitting and an 8 X 10 and two 5 X 7's. She should have used the larger one for her signs because the one she used is so small that I had to pull off the road to get a closeup.
Anyway... I suggest you add a cameo broach to complete the ensemble. Ava, you are too nice for politics. Save a few signs in your attic as mementos for the grandkids.
Jay Stapleton
Jay LOVES to name drop. He even loves to picture drop. His office is filled with pictures of him with his arms around all sorts of fellas. Dick Lugar, Dan Quayle and Dan Burton have all had the pleasure of Jay's embrace. He was so pleased to meet Mike Pence that he had his hair colored gray and styled like Mike's.
Jay's hobbies include fishing and ballroom dancing (no kidding) and amateur private detective work.
Crybaby Bibbs
Crybaby Bibbs' gets extra bonus points for adaptive reuse of his signs. After a failed attempt at City Council he slapped a few stickers on his signs and decided to go for the gold. Hang on to these, Ty. The Governor's mansion has the welcome mat out for you.
He smoked the WHBU on-line poll and has once again proven himself to be the master of self-promotion.
Kevin Sminkler
Recognizing Greg Winkler's contributions to the City of Andersonia, the Acting mayor has begun putting his likeness on his campaign signs. There is no one that better exemplifies the campaign slogan of "Continue To Promise" than Greg. In just a few short years he has spent more than a half million dollars and produced as many as six jobs.
The voters have little choice but to elect "Team Sminkler" to assure that he gets the Lifetime Achievement Award for Economic Development.
God speed, Winkie!!
Note from Mayor Buckwheat: Last week the publisher of the Herald Bulletin Mike Casuscelli called the publisher of the Anderson Free Press to ask that he make it clear that Mayor Buckwheat and the HB were in no way associated. I too would ask that my readers be aware that Mr. Casuscelli is no longer a member of my staff. He resigned his position after serving a 30 day suspension for being too cozy with the Acting Mayor.
Scraps From My Table can now be viewed at the Muncie Free Press as well as the new Anderson Free Press.Many thanks to Publisher K. Paul Mallasch
Of course this stuff is merely satirical and intended for comedic relief. Please feel free to forward this letter to anyone that may be interested. I can be reached at Waynelafear@yahoo.com. Mr. Lafear will make certain that I get your message. Any and all mail directed my way will be held in the strictest confidence. Until next week.......BW OVER AND OUT!
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